Where’s your head at?

Where’s your head at? 

Yes, I’m quoting Basement Jaxx, but seriously – where is your head at this week?  What’s distracting you?  What’s on your mind?

We all get wrapped up in stuff, events, other people, places, memories, the future, OTHER PEOPLE…

Life can be all consuming at times can’t it?  Especially when it’s ‘other people’.  I’ve had a number of conversations with different clients and friends over recent weeks about the impact of ‘other people’ on our good selves.

Sometimes we let ourselves believe that we have no control and we are totally reliant on the ‘other people’ to enable us to feel okay.  Why should this really be the case though?

It seems to me that very often the issue starts with a communication problem.  Somehow instead of asserting ourselves and saying to the ‘other people’: “this is what I want from you – are you able to give that to me?” and just start what could turn out to be a very easy conversation, a lot of us (and I include myself here) get tied up in knots in our heads, and go over and over, and round and round, with all the whys ‘other people’ aren’t treating us the way we want to be treated. 

BREAKING NEWS: ‘Other people’ are not mind readers.

Sometimes it really is as simple as asking for what you want. 

And I do know, of course that when emotions are involved this is harder – because we are invested in the outcome.  The more important ‘other people’ are to us, the more emotionally attached we are to this outcome.  And this is the tricky bit.

What if they say “no”?  What if they say “I’m not going to do this for you”? 

Well it’s a risk isn’t it?  And of course you have to question what it is you’re asking for – is it the moon?  Are you being reasonable?  (Of course, we know that YOU are.)  Most ‘other people’ aren’t out to get you however, remember that.  And if you are emotionally invested in them, then chances are it’s reciprocal, and they won’t intentionally want to go against your wishes.

Another challenge about asking for what you want, is that you really have to know what you’re asking for.  You have to be sure that it’s actually what you really want…

The key message here though is: ‘other people’ are not mind readers.  Talk to them.  Or if you can’t bring yourself to do that – talk to me.  

I spend my time working this kind of stuff out with people like you.  It’s what I do.  So if you’re sick of spinning around and getting nowhere fast, talking to me might help you get out of your mind, and come to your senses.

Where’s your head at?