I have been working with women for some time now, on their lives and how to step into their best selves to feel truly alive. Helping them consciously make plans and decisions that serve them to take aligned action towards the futures they truly desire: leaving behind and letting go of thoughts, beliefs and patterns of behaviour that are no longer needed in their lives.
As we work on all of this together, building up their levels of self-care, self-love and confidence in their inner cores, the conversations move a lot of the time to LOVE.
Stories we tell ourselves
I hear stories from successful, creative, brilliant and talented women about how love had evaded them, how they couldn’t find the relationships they were dreaming of, or relationships just felt stale in some way.
I have listened to them telling me that “there are no good ones out there”, or that they weren’t being treated in the way that they really wanted to be, or that they dare not aim for the ones they really wanted or fancied for fear of rejection.
So many myths to be dispelled here! There are plenty of men/women out there. Ask for what you want. Do not fear rejection, sometimes it wasn’t meant to be, and you have to kiss a few frogs… lastly – do not fall into the trap of thinking that there is only ONE person out there for you. All there ever is is the right ONE for now (and now might last for a long time, for some people – now is forever).
The inaccuracies of fairytales
All the stories we hear as little girls about the handsome prince coming to rescue us on a white horse from our miserable existences just don’t cut it any more – for one, the prince may be a princess!
As a teenager, this was what I thought was going to happen to me. Then I remember after university thinking “oh, I don’t think that man is coming, I’m going to have make this career thing work.”
I forged ahead, becoming successful in my own right – and sadly picking up a selection of inappropriate males along the way, who I then always had to dump (of course if any of them are reading this now: thank you – I learnt loads from you!) This led me to the questions; firstly, “what’s wrong with me?” And secondly, “what’s wrong with them?”
The short answer was nothing was wrong with me or them, I just made some poor choices (arguably the best choices I could make with the resources I had at the time…) from a place of feeling that the men I was interested in wouldn’t be interested in me, that I didn’t have much to offer and that I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, thin enough, interesting enough… you get the picture!
What I worked out though is that the fairytale I had listened to in childhood and then rehearsed my whole life just wasn’t a good story. I had grown up a good girl, keeping my opinions to myself, avoiding conflict, just hoping that everything would work itself out at some point. Ironic really considering all the personal development and therapeutic work I was doing on myself in all other areas of my life.
Working it out
FYI – rarely do things just work out. We make our choices, we decide; if you want something, go get it, make it happen, ask for what you want.
What I notice around me now in the world is these fabulous and successful women doing similarly; putting up with some pretty shitty behaviours, being taken for granted, not being treated like the gorgeous women they are and having some less than excellent sex.
In the therapeutic work I do, these issues were coming up time and again, and actually what I have found is that recovery from this inadequate love life is absolutely possible, starting with learning to love ourselves truly, properly and with our whole hearts. Then, ultimately stepping into our true feminine power, finding ourselves and assertively asking for what we want – the love of our lives is literally just around the corner.
If we truly know and love ourselves, inside and out, we can actually be better available to those in the world around us; our heart’s desire is absolutely available to us all.
I love me. I deserve the best love. I want to have the best sex with my best love. And I’m actually ready now. Are you?
I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on this – does it ring true? Could I help you?