These are some of the things that my clients come to me saying that they want to be: “I want to be more confident, self-assured, not second guessing”. These words all have different meanings for everyone I meet – of course, because we are all different!

And yet, we are all the same – the things we want are pretty similar, and these things are definitely top ten!

One way is to practice. I talk about this a lot… But it’s true, the more you practice something, the easier it becomes and the better you get. If you make something more familiar to your brain, your brain likes it, it feels more comfortable.

Our brains love familiarity, so practicing anything and making your mind more familiar with any task is always a winner.

Get used to the fact that you are ‘doing it’, whatever the ‘it’ might be, and make it part of your normality. For example, I am a confident runner and I enjoy it a couple of times a week. I’m better at it than I was: I’ve been practicing. I can feel assured that I will complete each run and make it home again, the only thing I might second guess is the route – but this is a good thing, I like a bit of variety, a change of scene. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the best at running! I don’t go very far, and I’m not very fast, but I do it confidently, and with practice I will go farther and get a little faster.

Speak kindly to ourselves, treat yourself like your best friend – you deserve it!

If it’s other people that worry you – judgement from others, try some reverse paranoia on yourself.

I love this concept.

Let’s go back to the running example: your mind says – “I can’t start running because I’m so unfit, people will see me and laugh”.

The opposite of this: “I’m going to start running and people will see that I’m trying to get fit and be really impressed!”

Or

“I can’t start running, I have nothing to wear, people will think I look like a dick.”

The opposite: “I’m going running, I’ll wear whatever I like for now, and if I enjoy it I might treat myself and buy some nice new kit – people might find me inspiring!”

You see? This can work with anything of course!  Again – practice, the more you do this, the easier it will be.

As I’ve gotten older, I have realised that no one actually cares what you’re doing – because they’re all so worried about themselves, what they’re doing, if they look like a dick, etc… And – if they’re not and they are looking at you, well – you are way more interesting than them, and there may be a bit green-eyed monster stuff going on?

I do wish I’d realised this as a teenager, I think life would have been much easier.