Confidence is the number one thing that collectively my clients want more of: Confidence is a preference! But why is that?
We all think it; “oh, if only I was a bit more confident, then I’d be alright… I’d go for that job… I’d ask that guy out… I’d be happier.”
It’s a weird thing though really, confidence. It’s not a thing really at all; you can’t hold it in your hands, you can’t buy it for someone as a gift, and you can’t give a kiss goodnight. It’s one of those strange things that everyone wants, some are envious of others having it, and those that have bags of it – well, maybe they don’t really think about it at all!
So, how come some people have bags of it and others don’t?
Well, here’s another thing about confidence – it’s circumstantial which adds to its weirdness. I might be super confident at writing this blog, but if I asked you to do it, it might freak you out. But, for example, I am not confident at all when it comes to playing tennis (do not invite me to do this with you!). Leaving us here noticing then that confidence cannot actually be measured, but must be divided and split in to themes and sub-categories – which can be annoying.
What people often don’t realise is that confidence comes with familiarity. If we practice something again and again, we get more confident. I do remember a teenage summer where playing tennis was actually quite fun, I got better than dreadful at it. I have not played tennis for more than 20 years (who’s counting?), so now I’m so unconfident that I don’t even want to be invited to do it.
Practice, practice, practice.
Do not just sit and wait to feel more confident. I have definitely done this at certain points in my life saying to myself, “oh, I don’t feel confident about doing that, I’ll just here wait until I do.” It’s a stupid waste of time.
Fact – in order to feel more confident, you have to do the thing, and then do it again, and again. The more you do it, the better you get and the more confident you feel.
Another thing I hear about confidence is how people don’t know how they lost theirs. This is interesting, as then they tell me about what’s going on in their lives: temporary contract at work ended, exhausted due to recurrent physical illness, husband having an affair, drinking too much, panic attacks, moved-house, caring for ill parent and setting up own business. Remember I said that confidence is circumstantial?
If we are not taking care of ourselves and trying to be super woman, this can of course result in dents in our shiny internal armour.
The next time you’re feeling like your confidence is lacking, make sure you take a good look around at your life:
- How many plates have you got spinning (and can you put one of them down)?
- What is it specifically that you are feeling unconfident about (it won’t be everything!)?
- How many times have you had to do or deal with the issue? Remember, practice, practice, practice.
“My attitude did a full 180° turn and I went from feeling helpless, frozen, resentful and negative to empowered, confident & positive,” says Sophie who I recently worked with. “Chrissy gave me the tools to go forward and be confident that I could resolve any issues I had in the future myself.”
Can I help you with your confidence? Why not book a free, no obligation Possibility Session with me and see how we can work together?